Not ectopic! Now what?

The verdict is in: NOT ECTOPIC!!!

That is such a huge relief for us, but still a long way to go. As soon as the u/s tech put the wand in, it was right there - you couldn't help but see our little bean. She didn't say too much, but answered all our questions (what is that and that and that... you know what I mean) and the whole ultrasound was to rule out any ectopic so she spent a lot of time looking around the ovaries and everywhere. Thank goodness she didn't find anything else. My cervix was VERY tender though, and that caught her off guard. I hope there's nothing wrong with it...

The bad news is this. The sac that's there is small. Too small for a six week pregnancy. I know that - they know that- but nobody is saying it. However, my Dr. is very optimistic that this could be viable, but told us not to get excited yet, but don't start mourning just yet either. Basically I have to play out this week in limbo. They didn't see a fetal pole or the embryo, but he said it was because the sac was too small just yet. The gestational sac was averaged at 5.1mm and the yolk sac at 2.4mm. They were both perfect and round and looked good for a four week pregnancy (hmmm... I'm at week 6). He said you can't see anything more than those two sacs until the gestational sac is around 12-15mm. At 15mm they expect to see an embryo and fetal heartbeats. He expects the sacs to grow 1mm a day and I have to come back next week for a comparison measurement. He also did more blood work today and said we should know by the end of our next appointment which way this pregnancy was headed.So... I'm pregnant officially for at least one more week...

Beta number 3

Thursday, November 13, 2008

It's in at 183. It's so hard not to cry right now. Of course it had to be Kelly who called with the results. As soon as she said her name I knew it was bad news. She's always the one with bad news. So with only a 22% increase in 48 hours this pregnancy is either ectopic or doomed. I have an appointment on Monday to see which it is, although I'm having some minor cramping this afternoon and may not make it to Monday. My orders were at the first sign of blood or heavy cramping to get to the Emergency Room ASAP! I hope I don't end up there, but I very well may. I'm just wondering... is there any hope at all for this baby? You know God is a miracle working God...

More Numbers to Worry Over

Monday, November 10, 2008

Today I had my second beta draw. The results are not looking too promising. They only rose from 96 on Friday to 149 today. That's a 72 hour difference and they didn't even double. My heart is breaking inside right now, not knowing whether this pregnancy will miscarry or not, whether it is ectopic or not, and not knowing if this child inside of me right now may be the only child I will ever carry...and if I will ever get to hold this child... More labs will be drawn on the 12th.

Beta numbers

Friday, November 7, 2008

So today I cruised the net for any hope I could find at all for low beta numbers. Mine today at 16dpo was 96. I've considered this pretty low compared to most of what I've found out there. The spotting of dark dry matter still continues and now I'm worried all this excitement has been in vain... Monday I will have another blood test and see how the numbers are doubling. I hope they go way up!

Steak and Crab

Thursday, November 6, 2008

So to celebrate the news of our pregnancy, Jeffrey and I cooked a celebratory 'yea we're pregnant' meal. STEAK and CRAB! Since we suspected the lines we'd been seeing on the cheap tests were in fact bfps, when we went to town to get groceries, we picked up a FRER (to make sure we weren't imagining lines) and bought three pretty steaks (one for each of us I guess lol!) and an Alaskan King Crab Claw. He had never had Alaskan King Crab so it was a very special treat for him! After yesterday mornings test, we had a feast fit for a king for supper! I even took pictures for mementos! LOL!!!

What about bleeding???

So now that the high has come down a little, (not much I grant you), I'm starting to get slightly worried about the bleeding episode I had on Tuesday. It was only during one bathroom break, but it was heavy, bright fresh red blood. If I had been expecting AF I would have sworn it was her, but it was gone as quick as it came! This morning however - I passed a medium size black to brown sticky clot. Is this leftover blood from Tuesday? Or is it something more? This mornings internet cheapie is still no darker than all the ones from earlier this week and I suppose I will just have to wait and be patient to find out what my beta is tomorrow...I hate waiting.

Pink never looked so good!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


So I had to come share the beauty of what I saw this morning. Two beautiful lines. No questions, no guessing, no squinting... They were there just as pretty as could be! Pink never looked so good! There is so much to think about now. I don't even know where to begin. I guess I'll start with Amazon.com and see what books are recommended and see if I can pick up a few for a good deal. I don't even like to read, but I'm looking forward to reading about this!!! Friday's test seems so far away!

Backposts

It's been some time since I've posted on this blog. There have been several reasons, none of which are important anymore, but now I'm going to try and post some thoughts I've been keeping since I've found out the results of my FET transfer.

Little Boogers

Friday's beta feels like a life time away. I'm driving myself crazy trying to find things to do and in the meanwhile I thought I'd share a pic of my little boogers the day they met mom. :)
Life is a wonder isn't it!

P.U.P.O.

So I'm PUPO! A little term I picked up on the IVF threads a while back. It stands for pregnant until proven otherwise! lol! So it's been two days now since the transfer and my mind has had a chance to get back to where it needs to be, instead of up there in the clouds. I am so excited, yet I am also very careful to realize the reality of the test still being negative. However, I hope and pray that these embies both stick and become beautiful loving babies for us to have and hold.

As far as the transfer itself? Not so glamorous. However they did transfer 2 embies. Both were 9 cells and B+ quality. The were the same two they were going to transfer in my IVF cycle before it was canceled. When they were froze, they were a 10cell and a 9 cell both B+, when they thawed they were a 8 cell and 7 cell (it's common to loose a few cells), went through another cleavage before they were transferred and looked to be doing GREAT! They were really excited about the quality of both of them! I have a photocopied picture of them and I may try to find some way to get it up here later.

As for the not so glamorous part...First of all, my bladder wasn't full enough, so they had to catheter me and fill it that way - which was uncomfortable and weird! Then the speculum was extremely uncomfortable against that full bladder! I felt like I had to pee worse than I ever had in my life! They kept telling me to relax, that I wouldn't wet myself, but that was so hard to do. As far as the actual magic moment, the machine was so snowy, I honestly couldn't even see the blip (as they called it) go in. So I was very disappointed about that. I was hoping it would be a little more special, but it wasn't.

I also did acupuncture before and after, which you won't have to ever worry about me getting again! The before session was fine, he did three needles in my right hand, two in my left and one in the top of each foot. The session afterwards was horrible! He put needles in my legs and feet and my head. He put one needle in my left ankle that hurt so bad I screamed, nearly jumped off the table and busted out in tears! (and I'm supposed to be laying completely still for a half hour!) It was weird too because he put it in the inside of my ankle and my little toe is what hurt so bad! Like it was being electrocuted or cut off! And the needle he put in the top of my head gave me a killer headache, and after all of this he left the room and left me alone for 25 minutes, so I couldn't tell anybody to get it fixed! ugh.

BUT overall I am pleased. I am excited. I am nervous, and this morning I'm already feeling sick. I know it's only from the hormones I'm taking to sustain these little boogers, but it does make it feel a bit more real. My Beta is scheduled for 11/07/08.

Little Wonders

sung by Rob Thomas

let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know

the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we'll get by,
it's the heart that really matters
in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now

in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain

The Break is Over

So it's now fall - officially my favorite time of year. I realized that I needed to come to terms with where we were at and I took a break from all the thinking, wishing, wanting, praying, and now that break is over. This Saturday is one of the biggest days of my life. I can't believe it's here already. Everything for this transfer is looking good so far. I've been so melancholy and sentimental in the last week or so, and very emotional, and I can't tell if it's the hormones or the time of year. Especially since I lost my Grandma - and my Dad in the fall. Wouldn't it be such a wonderful thing to happen in such a mellow atmosphere...

...getting away...

AF is here. Came while I was at my last OHSS checkup on Friday. Good timing I suppose, since I was so worried I may have to wait again... I think this is one of the worst AF's I've ever had, and sure it's from all the medication, but I am very glad to have it. In the meanwhile I've just been trying to get away from all of this for a bit. In a very short time my life is going to change forever - one way or another and I just need time to cope with what is exactly about to go down. I don't have any details yet, but I have started back on birth control, and I expect to start the injections again in a week or so... but for now - I just need to be me, I need us to be us and I need to clear my mind of all the stress, confusion, dissapointment and focus on this relief I am finally feeling. I had hoped that by today we would be celebrating two lines... but instead we're just celebrating my health and well being. It's funny how things can change so fast.

Getting better all the time!

I meant to post yesterday to give a update on the OHSS progess, but time slipped away from me. So we'll have to make do with today :)

Well today I got GREAT news! Almost all the fluid from the OHSS is gone!!! My lungs still have a tiny bit, but overall I feel 100% again! We are already looking at a FET in October! I'm so excited again! I still have to go back on Friday for another OHSS mop up, ultrasound, bloodwork, but if all is good, I'll be released! YEAH!

p.s. After all of this is over I don't know that I'll ever be able to drink blue gatorade again! LOL!

OHSS UPDATE

I just got back from another scan to check on the OHSS and everything seems to be getting better except for the fluid around my left lung. That has doubled in size since yesterday! They wanted me to go to the hospital for a thorasictesis(sp?) (outpatient - not even general anesthesia) to remove the fluid, but because it's the weekend the hospital said they would have to admit me, so my Dr agreed to send me home as long as i promised if the breathing got worse i would go straight to the E R. I have to go back to the Dr again in the morning and if i don't show some improvement with the fluid in that lung, they will admit me regardless. At least the nurse got the IV in on the first try today - Praise God! but the new heparin lock makes it difficult to type.

I can't believe this is happening...

My transfer was today - or was supposed to be today. I had a good breakfast, got to the office, had my massage (which honestly wasn't as good as I had hoped) and then it was time to talk to the embryologist/andrologist. Out of the 20 eggs collected, all 20 were mature. Only 11 of them fertilized and 8 were considered viable at the time we were talking. She said the others had a chance to catch up and if they did they would be put on ice. So the two embryos they picked were the best, but they weren't perfect. Perfect meaning textbook, but they were still great quality. Day three embryos that were already 10 cells. They showed us pictures of them and everything! I was so excited!

Before the transfer could begin, Sharon had to come in and do a scan to make sure my bladder was full. Wow, forget the bladder - look at those ovaries! STILL producing follies and lots of them! And unfortunately more E2. Further analysis with the ultrasound indicated fluid in different pockets throughout my body and unfortunately in and around my lungs, and not just a little bit either. Enough for me to now be considered a severe case of OHSS. What does that mean?

It means no transfer :(

Our two perfect little embryos will have to be put on ice until another time and cryo cycle so that I can get this fluid under control.

I knew yesterday it was hard to breath, but thought I had just pulled a muscle or something. Today I know better. I have to go in for the next three to four days and get fluids and medications through an IV until this all goes away. It took two nurses and four sticks again today to get the IV in, but they put in something called a heparin lock today, basically meaning that they left the IV in my arm so I won't have to get stuck again for the next two days at least. If the fluid around my lungs doesn't go away, or if it gets worse, I will have to have a procedure done at the hospital where they go in the pockets of fluid with a needle and aspirate all of the fluid away from my heart and lungs. I just can't believe this is happening...

The Egg Retrival

MY FIRST AND ONLY EGG RETRIVAL!

First of all I got to the office at 7:30 in the morning and found out there were five of us having retrievals done. I was number three, scheduled to go back at 9:30. There was a lot of paperwork to be signed and medication stuff to go over, so all the extra time really did go by fast. Once they told DH and I to say our good-byes, a nurse took me back to put in my IV and get me prepped.

Let’s start with the IV… The anesthesiologist likes to use a 20 gauge needle, which evidentially is larger than my veins because it took four sticks before the nurses finally agreed to try a 22 gauge (a smaller needle) and the thing went right in. Luckily they used lidocaine on the area, so I really didn’t have any pain - but wowser on that!!!

While they started the IV drip I was also given human albumin. Basically from what I remember it’s a diuretic to help pull the extra estrogen and fluid from my body and help to reduce the chances of OHSS. So of course I was good friends with the potty all day - (and all night)! After my IV was running and we were waiting for the girl ahead of me to come out, they let DH come back into the recovery room where I was waiting. That was really nice of them because they don’t usually do that. I think it helped ease his nerves too, since he wasn’t going to see me again until after the retrieval. By this time we had been there a few hours already and I found out they hadn’t called him yet, and that the embryologist/andrologist would be out to see him after they took me back. It wasn’t very long after DH came back that they called for me, so my nurse Patti took DH out into the hall, soothed him a little and came back for me. I used the potty one more time and I was off to be ‘prepped’.

Being prepped basically consisted of getting a thorough cleansing with beta-dine followed by a complete rinse out with water. Before they started, they gave me a drug that was supposed to help me relax and make me sleepy, but instead it was like an instant espresso! I was asking a million questions a minute and the nurses all started laughing at me! I was a little nervous about the reverse reaction of the drug, but the cleaning was over in no time, with very little uncomfortable- ness and then Doctor Robin finally walked in. I was going to speak to her but the anesthesiologist said here we go… and I remember the room going blurry and then nothing!

The actual egg retrieval went fairly smooth I suppose. I don’t have any other retrievals to compare it to, so I have to assume it did. The whole process took about an hour and a half to complete. Do you remember me saying how my ovaries were sitting on my spine? Well after they put me to sleep they used the ultrasound probe and external pressure to position the ovaries to where they could get to the follies. The end result – bad internal bruising. My intestines are very bruised up and my back hurts worse than any of the rest of it. They were able to move them enough to retrieve 20 eggs though! I was ecstatic about that!!! Before the retrieval I was in hopes, and had been told that I would be able to go back to work today, but unfortunately I just couldn’t. Yesterday after I got home the pain started getting really intense and I started going right through Oxycontin like it was candy. Today I’ve done much better and I haven’t had the first one! But honestly, right now is really the first time I’ve even been able to sit up. I’m still sore and it’s going to take some time for everything to get back to where it’s happy, but I’m just happy I was asleep through all of that!

While I was out cold– I must have bit my tongue. There is a big chunk of it tore open on the side and it is very swollen and sore too. The doctor also said I was very active while under and they had to restrain me… I know I have a new bruise underneath my chin, and it’s probably from where the nurses were keeping my head back while I was trying to move around. I heard that the girl before me ripped her IV out while she was under and started to come too prematurely since we were on unconscious twilight sedation. That scared the crap out of me!

Today I got the fertilization report from the phone tree message – but I haven’t talked to anyone in person. The message said that out of the 20 eggs retrieved, 11 fertilized naturally, so no ICSI! AND they were able to move all 11 of them to the incubator! YEA!!! Eleven fertilized and are viable so far! We are super elated about that! I am expecting a call tonight setting up a time for our transfer. Overall I’m glad I did it, but now I’m super glad this part is over!

...kissing ovaries...

Yesterdays ultrasound again revealed about 50-60 follies and about 20 that 'could' be mature by tomorrows retrieval. There were several that were already mature, but I fear they will be too mature by retrieval. It was really hard to tell from the screen what was what in there. Even the tech had a hard time, and honestly she's good at keeping them seperated. My ovaries are so swollen that they are now kissing each other and are squished up where they meet. They are also pushed up against my spine. (ugh). I did the HCG shot last night and I'm to be there at 7:30 in the a.m. for retrieval. They will put me completely under, move my ovaries off of my spine by using external pressure and the ultrasound probe, then they will do a mock transfer, sketch out the directions of my cervix and finally retrieve the eggs. The whole thing is supposed to take an hour. Dh will not be allowed in the room until I'm out of recovery, which stinks, but I guess they have to do what they have to do. I'm guessing he'll be doing his part while I'm under, but no word on that really. I also start the Medrol, the doxycycline, the Estradial pills, vaginal prometrium AND the progesterone in oil shots tomorrow! YIKES! My ovaries today are extremely painful, and my back hurts like it never has. I can't seem to get comfortable in any position I lay in. The nurses said it's a lot like what back labor feels like in the beginning... ugh. Anyhow I'm extremely nervous about tomorrow, and the anesthesia, and the retrieval, the fertilization report, all the meds.... EVERYTHING! Transfer will then be on Thursday following a 30 minute massage (that will be nice) and then I have a 24hr flat on back bed rest afterwards. Beta is scheduled for Oct 2nd.

Pray for me girls!

Just a little longer now...

The ultrasound this morning was quick and easy, but I'm still not ready for the HCG trigger...
I have another appt tomorrow morning and most likely I'll trigger tomorrow night or Sunday.
I have a few follies already mature, at least a 17 and a 20, but I have a large group moving up, and they want those eggs to mature too before the ER.
As for the meds, they dropped my Follistim back to 25iu for now. I'm sure they will call later to up my dose again. I think the nurse gives me instructions for 25iu until the RE can look over the u/s pics and E2 results, then I get a new set of instructions over the phone.

I feel good. Yesterday was a good day too! My ovary must have found a happy place to grow. Today I was told they are about 2.5-3 inches in diameter, so yeah big plums, but at least they don't feel like grapefruit anymore! :)

It's like a yo-yo!

AFM - I know I'm crazy with all the hormones and I was lmao at the thought of me crying in chick-fil-a yesterday. I'm such a nut! lol!

Anyways, my RE must have not liked the the way my follies reacted to the drop in meds because now I'm back up to three shots a day. My Follistim was raised back up to 100iu, and they put me back on one vial of repronex, keeping the lupron the same... We'll see tomorrow what it did. But today I feel good. That left ovary must have moved off my spine a bit, because I don't feel any pain there today! YIPEE!

Hormones to tears

I am just getting back to the office from my u/s and e2 check this morning and I am just an emotional train wreck. After my appointment we went to chick-fil-a and I wanted something off their lunch menu, and when they told me they were still serving breakfast, that it would be a 20 minute wait, I just started tearing up! I had to walk away from the counter cause I just couldn’t stop it!!! I think the hormones are finally getting the best of me!!!
Anyhow, the 19 follies that I had on Monday must have responded slowly to the drop in Follistim because today I only have one at 17mm one at 16mm one at 15 two at 14 and the rest are still between 9 and 12. They only counted and measured 40 follies, but most were still small ones. On top of that they’ve lowered my dose again to 25iu and will have me back for another u/s and e2 check on Friday morning – so no ER for me on Friday! :( She said most likely I will either trigger Friday night or Saturday night so ER will be either Sunday or Monday with a 3 day transfer. I also found out that the pain I was having is coming from the fact that my left ovary is swollen to about the size of a large plum and is sitting against my spine. That is making both my back and my ovary very sore.
I asked about E2 levels from Monday – they were 848, but I wasn’t feeling any pain then… I wonder what it will come back today? Also I found out about the scant fluid in the cul-de-sac. That’s the area between your uterus and your rectum – basically free space. She said that it is common and that they have to document it so that they can tell if OHSS is happening. Scant fluid can be natural all the time.

One more thing I found interesting today – MY HOROSCOPE…
“Pressure, what pressure?! The tension you're feeling right now in your life will completely disappear if you just give yourself some time here and there today to process what you're going through. There is no reason to panic, no reason to worry. Take a deep breath, and you will slowly feel your positive thinking building back up to effective levels. And once that happens, you'll actually start to feel some enthusiasm for what you are doing right now.”

Down to 2!

Well as of last night, the RE officially dropped the Repronex shot from my repertoire of medicines. So only two shots a day now! She also dropped my Follistim from 150 iu down to 75iu. At first I thought it was because I was stimming too fast. Now I'm starting to wonder if it was all because of my E2 levels rising too quickly, for I think I'm really starting to feel the E2 in my system now. To be honest, I have really felt like crud all day today and it has shown in just about everything I've had my hands in today... and I'm afraid it's just going to get worse, as I fear this is the onset of OHSS. The RE's office doesn't give me my E2 numbers, but at my appt tomorrow I'm going to ask for them.

Let's cross our fingers and toes and pray that this results in a BFP and not OHSS!!!

Grow Follies Grow

So I'm up to three shots a day now and I don't even let them phase me. Yes, sometimes they hurt or bleed, but I can't let that stand in my way now!!! The shots are hard, but the IVF diet is the hardest! No carbs, no sugar, no sugar substitute, no dairy, no cold foods... They could have basically said ONLY EAT HORMONE FREE MEAT... ugh. Even a meat and potatoes girl needs a good roll on the side.





As for appointments, I had my first E2 check and ultrasound after four days of stims and I already have 19 follies that measure somewhere between 9mm and 12mm. There were even more that were smaller and probably won't catch up! At this rate however, we are definitely looking at an early retrieval - possibly even on Friday!!! YIKES! I can't believe we are so close! I'll know more tonight when I get the results and the new dosage for the meds. If not, I'm sure I'll find out at Wednesday mornings appointment.

and yes - I feel like I'm carrying grapefruits where my ovaries ought to be!!!





I never posted this picture so I thought I'd share my meds table. This is a picture I took as I unpacked my meds when they came from the pharmacy. Keep in mind this is only the first round, not including any refills that will be sent later!!!

SO TODAY IT STARTS

As much time as it seems we have spent testing and waiting, today we officially started our IVF cycle. The morning didn't start off on the best note, as DH and I had gone at it the night before and there was still a lot of tension between us. Honestly we both tossed and turned and slept horribly under all the stress of this darn thing. Dh's appointment was supposed to be at 8:30 this morning (had to provide another sample) and of course traffic had to be the worst I have ever seen it! We finally pulled up a little before nine, and of course the lab had already took the next patient. Luckily after putting me in near tears, the receptionist finally called him back, and as soon as they called him, they called me for my 9:30 appointment. This was for the baseline ultrasound, or CD3 ultrasound, just to make sure that all the hormone levels looked good, and to get a head count on possible follies coming up in the next two weeks. A little scare to start with, there were two huge cysts sitting there on my right ovary, so I had to have blood work done to see what was going on with them. So like I was saying, the morning didn't start off real well. The good news is they don't seem to be functional, which means we were able to proceed. They'll have to keep an eye on them regardless.

So after the quick look at the ovaries, and the sample was given, we got an opportunity to talk to Patti about my meds and to Aaron, who is the embryologist/Andrologists who will be handling our babies. We asked a ton of questions and I really felt better about the whole thing after meeting with him and having the assurance that someone competent is handling such a important matter. After we drove them mad with questions, we spent a little time in the business office signing the loan papers for a mere fifteen grand - such a small price to pay if this works...

Tonight I took the Lupron like before, and I started the Follistim at 150 iu and 2 vials of Repronex. The Follistim gave me an immediate headache that only two extra strength Tylenol helped, and I ran into a bit of a problem with the Repronex. When I went to mix the vials, I realized they hadn't sent me the needles! They sent plenty of tips, but no syringe to put the tips on!!! Luckily I was able to use the syringes that are for the PIO later in the cycle. I also was calculating the amount of meds I'm taking, and YIKES, I only have enough Repronex to last until MONDAY!!! I will have to get on the phone ASAP and try to get more of that sent to me!!!

But nevertheless I took the meds, and now I just have to wait until Monday for my next ultrasound and blood work. If all goes as planned we may be looking at a ER (Egg Retrieval) on 9/15 with a three day transfer to follow.

I just can't believe this is it.

The Lord has it all under control!

Surgery yesterday was fine! Great even. I am here at work this morning and I can't even tell that I had anything done yesterday! Other than the huge bruise from the I.V. and the sore throat from the breathing tube...

So yesterday I got a Hysteroscopy, a Polypectomy, and a D&C. A lot of big words for basically saying they dilated my cervix, stuck a camera up there and removed the two polyps they found Tuesday. The Doc didn't see anything else out of the ordinary, gave my a quick scrape to get some fresh blood in there and I was out of surgery in about 30 minutes! Another 30 in recovery and I was on my way home.

I haven't had much bleeding, just some spotting really and that's about stopped now too. I haven't even had to take a pain pill, although, believe me I had them filled - just in case ;)

So as far as all the bad news goes, I hope this was it! I am still on the schedule for September and my baseline appointment to see if we can continue is next Thursday. So until then we just wait a little more.

VERY NERVOUS

Well yesterday I had an appointment for some pre-IVF stuff and it just seemed like everything that could go wrong did. To start with I had fasting labs , so nothing to eat or drink, which wasn't bad, except they didn't get around to doing my labs until about 10:30 and I had a chick-fil-a biscuit in my bag just begging me to eat it!!! That was just a tease!

8am I had my annual pap - by 11 I already had bad news from that. Some kind of extreme overgrowth of bacteria that should be there, just not in those numbers, so I've got these yucky vaginal suppositories to get that under control.

9am I had my sono HSG - It didn't hurt like I expected it too, but I did cramp up a little. They took a bunch of cultures and other stuff then slipped the catheter in (which is what hurt so bad on the first two HSGs) Everything was going so smooth and then BAM! I HAVE POLYPS! At least two large ones and possibly several more... so I'm going to have to have surgery before anything else. Possibly even this week...

If that wasn't enough already, my endo biopsy was immediately following and that HURT LIKE HELL!!! I am not going to lie about that one bit. a little pinch my a$$! First of all my cervix takes a turn to the right then another turn downwards before reaching my uterus. The Dr. just couldn't get the large stiff catheter to make those turns so after several minutes they had to give me a shot of Lidocaine in my cervix and then dilate it. Okay. by this point I'm already in tears because of the pain and stress and bad news I just got about surgery....yadda yadda yadda... and THEN she started to take the sample. I have NEVER in my life had pain that intense. I literally thought I was going to throw up it hurt so bad! I bawled like a baby. Luckily the pain was very short lived and after it was all over and I gathered my composure I was back in the waiting room in less than ten minutes.

Waiting room for what? Why the EKG of course. No pain here, but guess what? The machine didn't want to work, and when it did? She wanted to run a couple more tests because they looked 'out of the ordinary'. Okay I've been poked and prodded, stressed out, dilated, told I would be having surgery - maybe this week- and you wonder why my EKG is abnormal?!? all I can do is shake my head.

Anyhow after all of that torture I had my labs done and ate my biscuit. Then we went to Med teaching for an hour, to the pharmacy for half a hour got a bite to eat and got home around 3:30. Oh yeah, we left the house about 6:30 this morning, so yes I am very exhausted, and it's been a rather unnerving day for me from the time I got out of bed, but now, I'm going to put it all in the Lords hands and I know he will deliver me through all of this. I DO have faith in that. A lot of pain?


UPDATE

I just got off the phone and I am scheduled for surgery tomorrow at 1pm. I have to be there between 8 and 9 to do pre-ops and paperwork. The surgery itself should only be about 45 minutes and then recovery time. Please pray for me that I will be fine through this and there will be no other major stumbling blocks for me.

To Everything There is a Season

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

________________________________________________

The last few weeks have been ridiculously stressful on both DH and I. I'm not sure if I'm coming or going most of the time now. When I'm not laughing, I'm crying. We've been toying with the idea of a September IVF and even though we are still going through all the motions we're still not sure we're going to go through with it. There are still so many unanswered questions. There is one thing for sure though, infertility is definitely a time for every season...

and we move on...

I guess the title says it all huh?

Off to have a drink and clear my mind a bit...

Do or Die

So it's been done. In an hour or so I should get a call from Kelly, or Robin, or somebody else from the New Hope Center. As I watched that dark wet blood fill the vial this morning I couldn't help but feel just a little nostalgic about the whole thing. Has it really been five years? Yes, I suppose it has. So this is it for us? No, but it feels like it might as well be. We still hope to pursue IVF this fall if this test comes back negative - and I'm pretty sure that it will. All of the symptoms I've had this 2ww are gone. Even the boob pain. That left me yesterday, and honestly I believe the prometrium suppositories are the ONLY thing that is keeping AF at bay. I've have no cramping, no headaches, nothing, which is normal for my pre-AF. I can just hope that she will be a light one and be over with soon enough. I just hope that I can accept the results of my test with a happy heart, although I'm sure I'll be sad, knowing that God will never give us what we can't handle..

Why you can call me a dope...

After spending hours on 2ww.com and poas.com I am now totally convinced that:



1. I'm a dope for even getting worked up about a possible line that I can barely see only in the right light at a certain distance....

2. I'm a dope for even buying the dollar tree tests and then using only them!

3. I'm a dope for not using a better test - like the e.p.t. that I had in the house!

4. I'm a dope because I'm am totally convinced the lines are evap lines - due to cheap tests!(despite the fact that the line showed up in two minutes and the box says nothing over ten!!!)BUT I'm still holding out for a BFP this cycle.

5. I'm a dope because I did all this, knowing about the evap problem, most likely because I'm scared to death that when I do test with a better test it is going to be a bfn...

I hate to wait

So today is 9dpo, I've wasted two tests already (way too early) and now I feel completely fine! I was cramping a little a few days ago, and thought it to be a good sign, especially since I never cramp. Now it's like any other normal day in the 2ww. The soreness on the BB's comes and goes and I'm not nauseous anymore when I think of food. I'm always hungry, but hey - that's no different either! :) I'm supposed to have blood work done Wednesday, but I think I'm going to hold off until Friday. I can wait that long - right?????

Is this the beginning?

I just want to say that I am about 4DPO today and I am bloated beyond belief! I had to wear a skirt today with an elastic waistband because I can't get ANY of my work pants on! I wear a size 12 usually, a size 10 on a really good day and today, forget the 12's even the 14's, my size 16's wouldn't even fit!!! (granted they are a little small for 16's!) Yesterday the only pair of shorts I could get on were 16's! I'm going to be in maternity clothes before I even get a bfp! LOL! Luckily I have a few skirts like the one I wore today! whew! (wipes forehead!) I sure hope it's all for a good reason (the bfp to come) and not something else major that I'm missing because I'm expecting these type of side effects...I'm also peeing every hour on the hour now during the day and getting up once during the night or early morning, I'm irritable, my bbs are extremely sore, I'm still gassy, food tastes different, I have constant reflux (living off tums) can't chew gum or brush teeth without gagging and the headaches just won't go away... Can all of this be from the trigger shot? I know they all are symptoms caused by the HCG, but I would have thought they would be getting better since the tests show it's almost out of my system - I didn't expect it to get worse. I wonder...could this be the beginning???

A little discomfort (modified email to a great friend)

How am I feeling? Honestly a little miserable. I’ve been in right much discomfort and I think it’s because everything is so swollen. My ovaries are huge, my cervix is sore, my belly is bruised, my tush is tender...Doing the deed is even difficult because of all the pain. If I never knew where my ovaries were before, I do now! I don't mean to sound whiny or ungrateful, but this is just the hard honest truth. Hopefully tomorrow will be better since I should O this morning. (9:00am was the 36hr mark). When I go home for lunch today, DH better watch out 'cause here I come! One last shot of getting those swimmers up there to finish the job! I start yucky prometrium suppositories in the woo-ha on Sunday, which is also new for me and I’m not looking forward to it! I don't think DH is either. He's not going to want to venture into that place with those hormones all a lurk!!!


I took another P-test this morning and the lines were much darker than yesterdays so I’m confident now the shot went into the right place and so is my butt check!!! (Still leaning to the left). I’ll keep testing till I see the test line go away and then I’ll know for sure if it comes back. I keep telling myself that, but we all know if I do get a bfp I'll be wondering...is it real? is it leftovers? oh no! What do I do???

Last night I was nauseated and hot, but I think it’s my nerves along with all the hormones and stress and everything else it could possibly be. This is going to be the longest 2ww I’ve ever had, and I’m a little scared because DH is so on board now, and it’s the greatest feeling seeing him so excited and doing things for me, and not letting me do things… The other night he wouldn't even let me get out of bed after we DTD! He wanted to make sure I didn't loose any! LOL! It melts my heart a little and scares me that he will be crushed if this doesn’t happen for us. I don’t know what has happened in his life to change his point of view, but he has definitely turned a new leaf and I love it! We have already decided that we will do IVF in September if this doesn’t work, so at least we have a backup plan.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE SIZE OF THOSE NEEDLES?

Last night was the night we got to do the trigger shot. OMG have you seen the size of those needles? I was so nervous and was so worked up I bet my blood pressure was through the roof! I had a glass of wine to calm my nerves (hopefully the last for a good while) and sat on a ice block till I think my toes were numb. LOL! I drew a little circle with a sharpie where DH was to stick me and wa-lah - I never even felt it go in. I couldn't believe I got so worked up over that! Today is a different story though, kinda leaning to the left if you know what I mean . I even poas this morning and yes I saw two lines. I was a little disappointed I might add that the test line wasn't darker than it was. I will continue to poas until the lines disappear. That way I can be confident when I do get that bfp, it's for real and true!

WOW!

So okay - I had a total breakdown in the RE's office today - I MEAN TOTAL! I was just so overwhelmed I couldn't talk, I couldn't breath, all I could do was just cry. So the multitude of follicles that have been brewing in my now sore and gigantic ovaries have increased again. From the last scan, there were seven potential follicles that could come up and mature, and today there were ten. I was so sure that they were going to cancel this cycle. I mean I was already walking out the door knowing that when we got that call the cycle would be a bust! But you know God works in mysterious ways and while we were on the way home the phone rang. It was Lynn at Dr. Robins. I wasn't quite sure I was hearing her right, because she does have a hard accent, but did she just say take the trigger tonight?!? WHAT? I have ten potential follies and they want me to trigger tonight! I really don't know what to think. I had one follie that was 16mm, and two that were 15mm. The others were a bit smaller, but plenty large to be a possibility. So following the Drs. orders DH will get to stick that big old needle right in my ass tonight. Yeah he's looking forward to that! Then it's going to be like a porn house around here for the next few days. I'm due for a blood test on the 23rd, but we all know I won't be able to wait that long! ;)


Everybody cross your toes and fingers and say a little prayer!

oh-no

What are they thinking? Can a 13mm follie really grow enough to ovulate overnight? Ugh! This whole process is probably the most frustrating thing I have ever been through! Honestly, during my appointment yesterday I am told by the tech, "Your good to go, they only grow 2mm a day and they won't trigger until the follie is 18-20mm." THEN right afterwards the Dr. says I'm too close (at 13mm) and wants me back today!!! WHAT! Well there was virtually no way that I was going to be able to make the appointment today and I squabbled myself into an appointment tomorrow but that definitely did not make the Dr. very happy. They are very concerned that I will ovulate on my own all of the eggs (would that be so bad?) or that I will Hyperstim which in turn will cancel this cycle. I don't know how long I'm going to be able to just leave work at the drop of a hat before all the questions and rumors start floating around. Should I tell my boss what's going on? I just don't know what to do about that!

okay my mistake - BIG MISTAKE!

EEEEKKKKKKK!!!!!! So the numbers I posted from the last scan were reasonable right??? Only that I find out on Friday's appointment that I totally misunderstood the tech when she was counting follies! When I went back for my follie scan on Friday I found out I have 43 follies! Yes you read that right, forty three!!! 25 on my right and 18 on my left... AND they upped my dose to 100iu of Follistim!!! One of the Doctors came out to talk to me after the scan and said "Honey that's a lot of eggs" I think they are trying to prepare me for bad news. I.E. they may cancel this cycle. I go back this afternoon for another check and am sure I'll find out more about what they want to do now. They are hoping a few will jump out with this higher dose and take the lead so we won't have to worry about all the little ones. As of Friday they were all over the place ranging from 3-11mm. I think the higher dose of Follistim is doing something though. I am very aware of my left ovary and all the twinges and pains that I don't usually feel. Left ovary is good though, being my right tube is questionable! Wish me luck this afternoon!

THE FIRST SHOT

I'm still not sure what all the hype was about. While I was steady shaking from the nerves, I never felt the needle enter the skin.

Today was CD3 of my first injectable cycle and just now I gave myself the first shot. Things have been rather overwhelming in the last few days leading up to now. I wasn't sure how my DH was going to respond...I wasn't sure how I was going to respond. The usual tense two hour ride to VA beach was actually rather refreshing today with most of the time used to discuss our road ahead. While there were still a few tears shed, most of them I believe were happy tears, for I think we had a breakthrough today. If this injectable cycle doesn't do the trick, then there is hope for us to proceed with an IVF treatment. I am overly excited about just the thought, and like I said before, extremely overwhelmed.

As for the appointment itself, only a few technical things. Endometrium measured 8mm, Right ovary had 15 follicles ranging from 4-10mm and the Left ovary had 8 follicles ranging from 4-8mm. The next appointment is scheduled for Friday, July 4th.

blah...

okay - so as pretty as a chart might be, looks aren't everything! Of course AF had to show up early and ruin yet again another beautiful looking chart! However on the positive side, I've got my appointment set for tomorrow and if all looks well I'll start the injectables! I've got to say, I'm a little scared - NO! I'm a lot scared. I just don't know if I can stick that big 'ol needle in my belly everyday... But for Baby... Bring on the bruises!

Pray for us this week, that we may get the go ahead to start these treatments, that we will have safe travel to and from the RE's office and that I stim nicely and everything goes well for the trigger and ovulation and possible pregnancy.

Triphasic???

Look at that thing! She's a beauty right!

This month has been one of the most stressful months on the TTC front. We both know this is our last chance of conceiving the 'Natural Way' before moving on to bigger and better medications. It's a little heartbreaking to think of it that way... However natural it may have been, we still tried things a little different this month, using pre-seed and Instead cups. I've heard it worked wonders for others so I thought what the heck! It's just another shenanigan I've added to the list of gimmicks and tricks. We also took a 'relaxing' mini vacation to the beach (right when I was supposed to O!!!)... I say relaxing but I don't think I did that at all! It was good to get away, but relaxing isn't the word I would use....

However doubtful I may be, this morning when I woke up I couldn't help but be a little excited to see that high temp. Even though I know I didn't sleep well and I know deep down that's probably why it jumped. This weekend should tell the tale. Say a prayer that the line turns green and stays that way!

I've put it off again

yeap... I did it again. I've put the injectables off one more time. It's not because I wanted too, I promise you that! This time? First for vacation, now for scheduling issues... However there are still a lot of unanswered questions that need to be resolved before we take this any farther. I've got the meds, know what to do, I just need to find time in my schedule (and DH's) to take me three times a week to VA. Beach until I ovulate. ugh. I really do hate that ride.

June really wasn't a good month for us anyhow. That's what I keep telling myself.

hmmph...

Blowing hot air. That's about all I do these days when I think about having a child. Knowing that this ride would be nothing short of a hair raising roller coaster ride, it is definitely in one of it's lows. After all this time wishing and waiting, we are finally going to have a better shot of conceiving a child together and WHAT? We are suddenly okay with not having a child!!! I think more than anything else, we are scared. This is the closest we have come thus far to getting that elusive bfp and it's really scary that we are trying to change a great thing we have going for us! Still deep down, there's nothing I want more. I want a family, of more than just us. Someone - a child - made from us, from our love for each other, who has the best of both of us. Someone to grow up and carry on our traditions, our stories and our family name. Is that too much to ask?


Now I'm just being selfish.

VACATION

So I've now officially tried the 'just relax' and it will happen theory. Yeah right. Well whether it happened or not, I did just return from a great vacation. Of course AF tried to ruin even that for me, showing up the day we're supposed to leave!!! But that's just expected I suppose! Luckily she was in and out in a hurry and didn't ruin the whole trip.

When we got home I was a little worried because both my cell phone and my house phone were filled with messages from caremark, asking me to return their calls. Caremark is a part of my insurance company that handles the prescriptions, so I called them back yesterday to see what was so urgent that they left three messages a day to get me. Well it turns out that Dr. Robin
(my RE) decided to go ahead and call in the prescription for the injectables and caremark just wanted to let me know they're ready to be shipped whenever I want them. I don't know exactly how much the trigger shot is, but the follistim she said was $900 a pen. ouch! However, she then proceeded to tell me that part of the medication IS covered under my plan and I will only have to pay a $5 co-pay for the trigger shot, and a $30 co-pay for the follistim pen! I asked her to double check that again, because I was under the impression that those meds were NOT covered! So as you can imagine I was nearly jumping for joy over the news. HOWEVER it does comes with limitations. The plan only covers $5,000 lifetime max, so that's only a couple of months worth..., especially if I need two pens a month! Agh! Now I just have to talk all of this over with my DH and figure out how were going to handle the news!

Healing rain

I love the rain; Gray skies, thunderclouds just miserable rain! Who I am kidding, who really likes rain? We appreciate rain and the benefits it brings to us, but I think I can speak for many that we would be perfectly okay with 75 degree sunny days all the time! (especially if you throw a tropical beach in the mix!). Seriously though, without rain what would we have? Not much.

I suppose it's the same way in our lives. Nobody wants the gray skies and cloudy hearts, but without them how can we really appreciated all the good and greatness we've been given? I must learn to love the bad days with all the good days and thank my Lord for all that He has done for me. Sure, I cry, I want, I wish, and I hurt. Everybody does, and anyone who says that they don't is lying. I just won't believe them. We all suffer it's just how we handle these times that makes us different. We must turn our rain into Healing rain, turn our lemons into lemonade, and as a great friend of mine told me when my father was killed... "we can have chicken salad, or chicken shit - you decide." I'll never forget that, and while I'm not the best 'cook', I know that I will keep working on that chicken salad, standing in my healing rain, because no matter how bad it tastes, it's got to be better than chicken shit!

THERE EVERWHERE!!!

Have you ever noticed that when you want something so bad and you can't have it, that it seems like everyone else in the world has it? For instance if you decided you really wanted a red convertible then you would see three on the way home from work! That's totally the way I feel right now about being pregnant. I want to be pregnant so bad I can literally make myself sick obsessing over it, and it just seems like everywhere I look there are pregnant women, men and children. YES I SAID MEN! Actually a man I suppose...?... That's all still questionable. But the fact is I turn on the TV and every sitcom, drama, series, etc. seems to all have pregnant women on them. The talk shows now seem to focus on infertility and the women who overcome it, and on the street THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! Maybe they've always been there, and I'm only now noticing? I find that hard to fathom.

Anwho - Yes THEY ARE EVERYWHERE and hopefully soon will be here too. We are now just counting down the days until our cruise. Once we're back home we will set up schedule to start the injectables. I am so worried about the financial and emotional burden this is going to cause for us. DH has made it abundantly clear that IVF and IUI are just not in the picture for us yet (I don't think he will ever be comfortable with them) So if I hyperstim, that will be several thousand dollars spent on a cycle that we can't do anything with. At least if we had the option of switching to IVF on a hyperstim cycle, we might salvage the cycle and actually become pregnant. Plus that would mean a greater chance of twins for me. I've always wanted twins so I would be so very happy with that. If I hyperstim on the other hand I could produce as many as 20 follicles. I want a baby, maybe two - not a litter. And reduction is not an option right now. period!

So yes I'm in a new cycle now, but not expecting anything. I was so let down from my last cycle. Dang dollar tree tests! I had several give me evap lines that I thought were positives. However after they weren't getting any darker I tested with a name brand and it was clearly a bfn. AF came and went and I'm now on CD 10. If I just ovulate this cycle I will be thrilled.

10 days and counting

Yeap, it's unofficially official. I once again ovulated without using clomid. Be it - that it happened on CD 41, - at least it happened. So now I'm 10 days into the 2 week wait... I'm getting the same ol' AF signs as usual, a bit of cramping, sore boobs, headaches, etc... but at least it helps me confirm that I did O. So now what? I wait. WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT for four more days so that I can pee on a stick get disappointed and then spend the the next week in misery from cramps and the what-nots. OR I WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT for four more days so that I can pee on a stick get a surprise that will inevitably and all for the good...

Change my life forever.

Change my life forever.

Change my life forever.

Change my life forever.

Change my life forever.

Could I be?

Well... Did I O? Could I be... you know...? Is this a symptom? Look closer at my charts... move things around... Yes cross hairs... but did I O? Could I be? Is that a shift? A dip? Could I be?


Over and Over again I ask myself this. Why do we even bother with needing to know. We wait and wait and wait and worry about what? NOTHING. I did have a dream last night... but what's a dream anyway. When are dreams indicative of what's to come?

My dreams may be the closest to pregnancy that I will ever be. So live on dream...

It's all a dream of sorts...really.

First Consultation with Dr. Robin

I just wanted to say that the consultation with Dr. Robin went very well yesterday. She has prepared papers for us that showed exactly what was tested, what the results showed and what that means. She went over every thing and answered all my questions about my medication and labs. There was a lot of talk of IUI and IVF with the option of doing Ovulation Induction using injectables without doing an IUI. Since I don't have any insurance coverage on these procedures we first have to find funding (they have several banks they work with for personal loans) and then we have to actually pre-pick the month we want to try for. Basically if I understand this correctly, Once we do that, I'll be put on provera and BC until I have AF and then I start the injectables. DH is really riding the fence about all of this. He wants a child very badly but he doesn't believe it's right to be so aggressive with trying to have a baby. He said it kinda takes the miracle out of it. He is willing to do injectables at this point but unsure of the IUI and IVF. We are both trying to cope with how this fits in our beliefs and where we will go from here.

I did find out from my RE that she doesn't consider me PCOS, but PCO -basically I don't have the 'syndrome' but show many of the signs of the disease? I guess it's because my androgens and hormones all were normal, my sugars were normal and I'm not IR. However she said she was going to keep me on the Metformin because in her experience it dramatically decreases m/c rates in the first trimester and helps prevent Gestational Diabetes. She also said I would be treated in the same manner as someone with PCOS, but probablly a lesser dose of medication will be needed when it comes to more treatments.

I also asked about the positive beta. She thought it more likely to be a biochemical pregnancy or ectopic that took care of itself. She also indicated my p4 levels after ovulation were very low and my lining has been thin. My lining was at 5.4 last check and she has only had 1 pregnancy achieved on a 6.0 or less. She likes the number between 9 and 20. If we do IVF, prometrium suppositories and shots (every other day) are protocol for her. I believe this woman can really get me pregnant... now we just have to come to terms with our faith and beliefs and do what is right for us.

I'm going to post my exact numbers from my tests later on and explain what they mean like she did to me.

still waiting

Still waiting... I held a baby in my arms yesterday... and oh how my heart went nuts. I'm still waiting to hold my own child. MY OWN CHILD...

Yesterday was CD 6ish? Now I wait to see if I ovulate. If not, then I wait to take provera, and then I wait for AF to come to wait wait wait some more. And if I do Ovulate??? I have to wait wait wait for two weeks to find out what all the waiting is for.

On the 18th we have our consultation with Dr. Robin. So now we wait for that.

It's always about the waiting. Our lives are lost in all the waiting.

pissed!

Okay - so I called the office today to get a refill for my met, and asked about the delay in my next appt. (2/18) when I was supposed to start ovulation induction THIS upcoming cycle with new procedures. All the nurse could say was she was sorry and that there was nothing they could do for this cycle. "NOTHING" I said, but she just kept apologizing. I asked for clomid she said "NO!" I asked for Fermera, she said they don't use that there, and she was "sorry" but I still have to let them know when cd1 is and have the regular blood work done. My heart sunk right then and there! They still want to do a post coital, and a endo biopsy but won't give me anything to make me ovulate to get those tests done. To make matters worse she told me the consultation is more about my insurance coverage than my course of treatment. Basically the Dr. Found out I don't have insurance after the 5Grand for dx testing and she won't do anything else until we 'talk'. UGH! They will try to fit me in if a cancellation occurs, but I'm about a 2hr drive one way to my RE, so I usually have to take the whole day off, because they always seem to schedule me around the lunch hour! (and they know how far I am too!)

Sorry for the rant, I just needed to get that off my chest!

I know I shouldn't let this info get me so down, and I don't know if it's all the hormones I'm taking or all the pregnancies happening on the boards and everywhere, but today....

I'm just down.

NEW THEORY

Well, I had all of the blood work redone and I now have a new theory...
Somebody, somewhere, screwed up!

My second beta came back at <1, so I am definitely NOT pregnant. That leaves a very important question out there though... Was I ever pregnant?

From my understanding, there are only a few things that produce HCG in the body. A pregnancy, certain tumors and cysts, and certain cancers. The nurse kinda shook it off like the lab made a mistake with the blood work, but I kinda find that highly unlikely with all the advances in technology and as many times a day as they test for that hormone. Another thought that I read online somewhere is that the test was actually picking up another hormone that is very similar to HCG, called LH. That's possible I suppose, but nevertheless, for a day or two my mind was SPINNING!

First I get the call that I have a positive beta
Then I get the news that the number indicates bad stuff (i.e. miscarriage)
THEN they tell me it was probably a lab mistake

HOW MUCH MORE CAN I TAKE?

I am relieved it's not cancer (at least I assume not, since the numbers went down).

I'm expecting a call today from the RE's office. They want to schedule a time for me to have a consultation with Dr. Robin. Finally I get to meet her - but it's sorta bittersweet I suppose. After the short few months I've been going to this office, I've come to realize that only the most difficult cases are passed on to Dr. Robin. Usually these are IUI and IVF cases. The bittersweet part is that after some discussion, I don't think we are ready to go that route... So maybe injectables or some other sort of ovulation induction, but I'm ready to do something! I've already started provera to start the new cycle, and we're gonna move this time! I'm looking to have a baby this year!

2008 IS THE DATE!!!

It's been a while now

It's been some time since I've logged onto here to express my feelings. I think I was carried away from the whole TTC scene over the Christmas Holiday, and now I'm just getting back to life...

Well I had another RE appointment this past week. They were supposed to check for any signs of ovulation. They didn't find any signs of ovulation, but instead they found a surprise! This morning the Dr. called and wanted me in asap for more blood work. She got me all curious so I asked her why.... Here's why. I had a positive HCG BETA!!!! The level was only 10 (very very very low), and my progesterone was very low (0.9). BUT a positive beta.... wow. I'll get my blood work done in the morning.

I'm thinking I had a chemical pregnancy or miscarriage last month. but a positive beta.... wow.



as you can tell I'm still in shock.