hmmph...

Blowing hot air. That's about all I do these days when I think about having a child. Knowing that this ride would be nothing short of a hair raising roller coaster ride, it is definitely in one of it's lows. After all this time wishing and waiting, we are finally going to have a better shot of conceiving a child together and WHAT? We are suddenly okay with not having a child!!! I think more than anything else, we are scared. This is the closest we have come thus far to getting that elusive bfp and it's really scary that we are trying to change a great thing we have going for us! Still deep down, there's nothing I want more. I want a family, of more than just us. Someone - a child - made from us, from our love for each other, who has the best of both of us. Someone to grow up and carry on our traditions, our stories and our family name. Is that too much to ask?


Now I'm just being selfish.