Healing rain

I love the rain; Gray skies, thunderclouds just miserable rain! Who I am kidding, who really likes rain? We appreciate rain and the benefits it brings to us, but I think I can speak for many that we would be perfectly okay with 75 degree sunny days all the time! (especially if you throw a tropical beach in the mix!). Seriously though, without rain what would we have? Not much.

I suppose it's the same way in our lives. Nobody wants the gray skies and cloudy hearts, but without them how can we really appreciated all the good and greatness we've been given? I must learn to love the bad days with all the good days and thank my Lord for all that He has done for me. Sure, I cry, I want, I wish, and I hurt. Everybody does, and anyone who says that they don't is lying. I just won't believe them. We all suffer it's just how we handle these times that makes us different. We must turn our rain into Healing rain, turn our lemons into lemonade, and as a great friend of mine told me when my father was killed... "we can have chicken salad, or chicken shit - you decide." I'll never forget that, and while I'm not the best 'cook', I know that I will keep working on that chicken salad, standing in my healing rain, because no matter how bad it tastes, it's got to be better than chicken shit!

THERE EVERWHERE!!!

Have you ever noticed that when you want something so bad and you can't have it, that it seems like everyone else in the world has it? For instance if you decided you really wanted a red convertible then you would see three on the way home from work! That's totally the way I feel right now about being pregnant. I want to be pregnant so bad I can literally make myself sick obsessing over it, and it just seems like everywhere I look there are pregnant women, men and children. YES I SAID MEN! Actually a man I suppose...?... That's all still questionable. But the fact is I turn on the TV and every sitcom, drama, series, etc. seems to all have pregnant women on them. The talk shows now seem to focus on infertility and the women who overcome it, and on the street THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! Maybe they've always been there, and I'm only now noticing? I find that hard to fathom.

Anwho - Yes THEY ARE EVERYWHERE and hopefully soon will be here too. We are now just counting down the days until our cruise. Once we're back home we will set up schedule to start the injectables. I am so worried about the financial and emotional burden this is going to cause for us. DH has made it abundantly clear that IVF and IUI are just not in the picture for us yet (I don't think he will ever be comfortable with them) So if I hyperstim, that will be several thousand dollars spent on a cycle that we can't do anything with. At least if we had the option of switching to IVF on a hyperstim cycle, we might salvage the cycle and actually become pregnant. Plus that would mean a greater chance of twins for me. I've always wanted twins so I would be so very happy with that. If I hyperstim on the other hand I could produce as many as 20 follicles. I want a baby, maybe two - not a litter. And reduction is not an option right now. period!

So yes I'm in a new cycle now, but not expecting anything. I was so let down from my last cycle. Dang dollar tree tests! I had several give me evap lines that I thought were positives. However after they weren't getting any darker I tested with a name brand and it was clearly a bfn. AF came and went and I'm now on CD 10. If I just ovulate this cycle I will be thrilled.