Yeap, it's unofficially official. I once again ovulated without using clomid. Be it - that it happened on CD 41, - at least it happened. So now I'm 10 days into the 2 week wait... I'm getting the same ol' AF signs as usual, a bit of cramping, sore boobs, headaches, etc... but at least it helps me confirm that I did O. So now what? I wait. WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT for four more days so that I can pee on a stick get disappointed and then spend the the next week in misery from cramps and the what-nots. OR I WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT for four more days so that I can pee on a stick get a surprise that will inevitably and all for the good...
Change my life forever.
Change my life forever.
Change my life forever.
Change my life forever.
Change my life forever.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Friday, March 7, 2008
Could I be?
Well... Did I O? Could I be... you know...? Is this a symptom? Look closer at my charts... move things around... Yes cross hairs... but did I O? Could I be? Is that a shift? A dip? Could I be?
Over and Over again I ask myself this. Why do we even bother with needing to know. We wait and wait and wait and worry about what? NOTHING. I did have a dream last night... but what's a dream anyway. When are dreams indicative of what's to come?
My dreams may be the closest to pregnancy that I will ever be. So live on dream...
It's all a dream of sorts...really.
Over and Over again I ask myself this. Why do we even bother with needing to know. We wait and wait and wait and worry about what? NOTHING. I did have a dream last night... but what's a dream anyway. When are dreams indicative of what's to come?
My dreams may be the closest to pregnancy that I will ever be. So live on dream...
It's all a dream of sorts...really.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
First Consultation with Dr. Robin
I just wanted to say that the consultation with Dr. Robin went very well yesterday. She has prepared papers for us that showed exactly what was tested, what the results showed and what that means. She went over every thing and answered all my questions about my medication and labs. There was a lot of talk of IUI and IVF with the option of doing Ovulation Induction using injectables without doing an IUI. Since I don't have any insurance coverage on these procedures we first have to find funding (they have several banks they work with for personal loans) and then we have to actually pre-pick the month we want to try for. Basically if I understand this correctly, Once we do that, I'll be put on provera and BC until I have AF and then I start the injectables. DH is really riding the fence about all of this. He wants a child very badly but he doesn't believe it's right to be so aggressive with trying to have a baby. He said it kinda takes the miracle out of it. He is willing to do injectables at this point but unsure of the IUI and IVF. We are both trying to cope with how this fits in our beliefs and where we will go from here.
I did find out from my RE that she doesn't consider me PCOS, but PCO -basically I don't have the 'syndrome' but show many of the signs of the disease? I guess it's because my androgens and hormones all were normal, my sugars were normal and I'm not IR. However she said she was going to keep me on the Metformin because in her experience it dramatically decreases m/c rates in the first trimester and helps prevent Gestational Diabetes. She also said I would be treated in the same manner as someone with PCOS, but probablly a lesser dose of medication will be needed when it comes to more treatments.
I also asked about the positive beta. She thought it more likely to be a biochemical pregnancy or ectopic that took care of itself. She also indicated my p4 levels after ovulation were very low and my lining has been thin. My lining was at 5.4 last check and she has only had 1 pregnancy achieved on a 6.0 or less. She likes the number between 9 and 20. If we do IVF, prometrium suppositories and shots (every other day) are protocol for her. I believe this woman can really get me pregnant... now we just have to come to terms with our faith and beliefs and do what is right for us.
I'm going to post my exact numbers from my tests later on and explain what they mean like she did to me.
I did find out from my RE that she doesn't consider me PCOS, but PCO -basically I don't have the 'syndrome' but show many of the signs of the disease? I guess it's because my androgens and hormones all were normal, my sugars were normal and I'm not IR. However she said she was going to keep me on the Metformin because in her experience it dramatically decreases m/c rates in the first trimester and helps prevent Gestational Diabetes. She also said I would be treated in the same manner as someone with PCOS, but probablly a lesser dose of medication will be needed when it comes to more treatments.
I also asked about the positive beta. She thought it more likely to be a biochemical pregnancy or ectopic that took care of itself. She also indicated my p4 levels after ovulation were very low and my lining has been thin. My lining was at 5.4 last check and she has only had 1 pregnancy achieved on a 6.0 or less. She likes the number between 9 and 20. If we do IVF, prometrium suppositories and shots (every other day) are protocol for her. I believe this woman can really get me pregnant... now we just have to come to terms with our faith and beliefs and do what is right for us.
I'm going to post my exact numbers from my tests later on and explain what they mean like she did to me.
Monday, February 11, 2008
still waiting
Still waiting... I held a baby in my arms yesterday... and oh how my heart went nuts. I'm still waiting to hold my own child. MY OWN CHILD...
Yesterday was CD 6ish? Now I wait to see if I ovulate. If not, then I wait to take provera, and then I wait for AF to come to wait wait wait some more. And if I do Ovulate??? I have to wait wait wait for two weeks to find out what all the waiting is for.
On the 18th we have our consultation with Dr. Robin. So now we wait for that.
It's always about the waiting. Our lives are lost in all the waiting.
Yesterday was CD 6ish? Now I wait to see if I ovulate. If not, then I wait to take provera, and then I wait for AF to come to wait wait wait some more. And if I do Ovulate??? I have to wait wait wait for two weeks to find out what all the waiting is for.
On the 18th we have our consultation with Dr. Robin. So now we wait for that.
It's always about the waiting. Our lives are lost in all the waiting.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
pissed!
Okay - so I called the office today to get a refill for my met, and asked about the delay in my next appt. (2/18) when I was supposed to start ovulation induction THIS upcoming cycle with new procedures. All the nurse could say was she was sorry and that there was nothing they could do for this cycle. "NOTHING" I said, but she just kept apologizing. I asked for clomid she said "NO!" I asked for Fermera, she said they don't use that there, and she was "sorry" but I still have to let them know when cd1 is and have the regular blood work done. My heart sunk right then and there! They still want to do a post coital, and a endo biopsy but won't give me anything to make me ovulate to get those tests done. To make matters worse she told me the consultation is more about my insurance coverage than my course of treatment. Basically the Dr. Found out I don't have insurance after the 5Grand for dx testing and she won't do anything else until we 'talk'. UGH! They will try to fit me in if a cancellation occurs, but I'm about a 2hr drive one way to my RE, so I usually have to take the whole day off, because they always seem to schedule me around the lunch hour! (and they know how far I am too!)
Sorry for the rant, I just needed to get that off my chest!
I know I shouldn't let this info get me so down, and I don't know if it's all the hormones I'm taking or all the pregnancies happening on the boards and everywhere, but today....
I'm just down.
Monday, January 28, 2008
NEW THEORY
Well, I had all of the blood work redone and I now have a new theory...
Somebody, somewhere, screwed up!
My second beta came back at <1, so I am definitely NOT pregnant. That leaves a very important question out there though... Was I ever pregnant?
From my understanding, there are only a few things that produce HCG in the body. A pregnancy, certain tumors and cysts, and certain cancers. The nurse kinda shook it off like the lab made a mistake with the blood work, but I kinda find that highly unlikely with all the advances in technology and as many times a day as they test for that hormone. Another thought that I read online somewhere is that the test was actually picking up another hormone that is very similar to HCG, called LH. That's possible I suppose, but nevertheless, for a day or two my mind was SPINNING!
First I get the call that I have a positive beta
Then I get the news that the number indicates bad stuff (i.e. miscarriage)
THEN they tell me it was probably a lab mistake
HOW MUCH MORE CAN I TAKE?
I am relieved it's not cancer (at least I assume not, since the numbers went down).
I'm expecting a call today from the RE's office. They want to schedule a time for me to have a consultation with Dr. Robin. Finally I get to meet her - but it's sorta bittersweet I suppose. After the short few months I've been going to this office, I've come to realize that only the most difficult cases are passed on to Dr. Robin. Usually these are IUI and IVF cases. The bittersweet part is that after some discussion, I don't think we are ready to go that route... So maybe injectables or some other sort of ovulation induction, but I'm ready to do something! I've already started provera to start the new cycle, and we're gonna move this time! I'm looking to have a baby this year!
2008 IS THE DATE!!!
Somebody, somewhere, screwed up!
My second beta came back at <1, so I am definitely NOT pregnant. That leaves a very important question out there though... Was I ever pregnant?
From my understanding, there are only a few things that produce HCG in the body. A pregnancy, certain tumors and cysts, and certain cancers. The nurse kinda shook it off like the lab made a mistake with the blood work, but I kinda find that highly unlikely with all the advances in technology and as many times a day as they test for that hormone. Another thought that I read online somewhere is that the test was actually picking up another hormone that is very similar to HCG, called LH. That's possible I suppose, but nevertheless, for a day or two my mind was SPINNING!
First I get the call that I have a positive beta
Then I get the news that the number indicates bad stuff (i.e. miscarriage)
THEN they tell me it was probably a lab mistake
HOW MUCH MORE CAN I TAKE?
I am relieved it's not cancer (at least I assume not, since the numbers went down).
I'm expecting a call today from the RE's office. They want to schedule a time for me to have a consultation with Dr. Robin. Finally I get to meet her - but it's sorta bittersweet I suppose. After the short few months I've been going to this office, I've come to realize that only the most difficult cases are passed on to Dr. Robin. Usually these are IUI and IVF cases. The bittersweet part is that after some discussion, I don't think we are ready to go that route... So maybe injectables or some other sort of ovulation induction, but I'm ready to do something! I've already started provera to start the new cycle, and we're gonna move this time! I'm looking to have a baby this year!
2008 IS THE DATE!!!
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
It's been a while now
It's been some time since I've logged onto here to express my feelings. I think I was carried away from the whole TTC scene over the Christmas Holiday, and now I'm just getting back to life...
Well I had another RE appointment this past week. They were supposed to check for any signs of ovulation. They didn't find any signs of ovulation, but instead they found a surprise! This morning the Dr. called and wanted me in asap for more blood work. She got me all curious so I asked her why.... Here's why. I had a positive HCG BETA!!!! The level was only 10 (very very very low), and my progesterone was very low (0.9). BUT a positive beta.... wow. I'll get my blood work done in the morning.
I'm thinking I had a chemical pregnancy or miscarriage last month. but a positive beta.... wow.
as you can tell I'm still in shock.
Well I had another RE appointment this past week. They were supposed to check for any signs of ovulation. They didn't find any signs of ovulation, but instead they found a surprise! This morning the Dr. called and wanted me in asap for more blood work. She got me all curious so I asked her why.... Here's why. I had a positive HCG BETA!!!! The level was only 10 (very very very low), and my progesterone was very low (0.9). BUT a positive beta.... wow. I'll get my blood work done in the morning.
I'm thinking I had a chemical pregnancy or miscarriage last month. but a positive beta.... wow.
as you can tell I'm still in shock.
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