Monday, January 26, 2009
back to the drawing board?
Well as you can see by my lack of recent posts and consolidation of the posts from the pregnancy blog, we lost our little baby. It was expected from the beginning and I have had time to grieve and heal. The miscarriage itself was very difficult and I ended up having to have emergency surgery to remove some of the retained placenta. It was definitely a Christmas I am ready to forget. We still have six embryos on ice and will pursue ttc again in the future maybe as early as this spring. Right now I'm going to be spending a lot of time focusing on just me. Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts.
MORE BAD NEWS
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Friday was my five year anniversary and I have to say it was too bittersweet. My husband is the best man in the whole world for me, and I love him dearly for all he does. However I will never recommend a Drs. appt on your anniversary no matter what it is! For me, it was another bad news report. The baby still had a heartbeat, but it was only 83. My Dr. said we were too close because anything under 80 at this point and 99% of those would miscarry. If the heartbeat ranged from 80-100 the rate of miscarriage only dropped to 40%. So if that was the only issue we were facing, then I would have a 60% chance of carrying this baby to birth. BUT - that's not all. The sac is still small, and neither it nor the baby are growing on schedule. Not only are they behind, they only grew two days worth in a total of four days time and the sac is too small for the baby. To make it even more bittersweet I started bleeding again. The ultrasound showed the hematoma had shrunk, and was minimal, so I have no idea if this bleeding is still from that, or if it has already started. I have accepted that I will most likely loose this baby, and again I'm at peace with it for now. After my appointment, my oh so optimistic Dr. gave me three options.1) wait it out2) medicine to start contractions3) Aspiration of the tissueSo I know if He's given up - there is little hope. For now we are waiting.I have another appointment on Friday, if nothing changes before then. We'll be praying for a miracle!I have learned one thing from all of this. At least I can be pregnant.
Friday was my five year anniversary and I have to say it was too bittersweet. My husband is the best man in the whole world for me, and I love him dearly for all he does. However I will never recommend a Drs. appt on your anniversary no matter what it is! For me, it was another bad news report. The baby still had a heartbeat, but it was only 83. My Dr. said we were too close because anything under 80 at this point and 99% of those would miscarry. If the heartbeat ranged from 80-100 the rate of miscarriage only dropped to 40%. So if that was the only issue we were facing, then I would have a 60% chance of carrying this baby to birth. BUT - that's not all. The sac is still small, and neither it nor the baby are growing on schedule. Not only are they behind, they only grew two days worth in a total of four days time and the sac is too small for the baby. To make it even more bittersweet I started bleeding again. The ultrasound showed the hematoma had shrunk, and was minimal, so I have no idea if this bleeding is still from that, or if it has already started. I have accepted that I will most likely loose this baby, and again I'm at peace with it for now. After my appointment, my oh so optimistic Dr. gave me three options.1) wait it out2) medicine to start contractions3) Aspiration of the tissueSo I know if He's given up - there is little hope. For now we are waiting.I have another appointment on Friday, if nothing changes before then. We'll be praying for a miracle!I have learned one thing from all of this. At least I can be pregnant.
Flicker
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
No, not that website with all the cool pictures.... a heartbeat.
That's what the good Dr. called it... a strong flicker. I started crying the minute that the ultrasound tech pointed it out. DH saw it first - before she even said anything, and even though I was looking through blurry eyes, I swear he might have teared up too! Baby T. was measuring 6wks 2days and looked good. The gestational sac was still measuring small at 5wks 4days, but as long as it continues to grow there may not be any problems. I was so relieved to see that heartbeat, but one worry just turns into another with this pregnancy... Yesterday morning before my appointment I woke up to more bleeding. Brown at first and reddish orange when I wiped... Of course it had stopped by the time I was seen, but unfortunately why I was bleeding was quite obvious on the ultrasound. I have a subchorionic hematoma. Basically a blood clot. The bad news is that the blood clot is resulting from where the placenta, in a small area, is pulling away from the endometrial wall! After extensive research, I've learned that half of these diagnoses will carry on full term normal pregnancies... and the other half won't. The larger the clot, the greater the chances are for miscarrying . Luckily mine is small right now - approximately a centimeter. Because I have O- blood, and DH is O+, I was given a shot of Rhogam to keep my body from building anitbodies against the babies blood. I will probably get a shot of this every time I bleed, and after delivery as well. For now, my instructions were to come home on complete bed and pelvic rest all week until a checkup appointment on Friday morning. WHAT? How am I supposed to pull off bed rest during Thanksgiving? This is going to take some will power and some compromise...
No, not that website with all the cool pictures.... a heartbeat.
That's what the good Dr. called it... a strong flicker. I started crying the minute that the ultrasound tech pointed it out. DH saw it first - before she even said anything, and even though I was looking through blurry eyes, I swear he might have teared up too! Baby T. was measuring 6wks 2days and looked good. The gestational sac was still measuring small at 5wks 4days, but as long as it continues to grow there may not be any problems. I was so relieved to see that heartbeat, but one worry just turns into another with this pregnancy... Yesterday morning before my appointment I woke up to more bleeding. Brown at first and reddish orange when I wiped... Of course it had stopped by the time I was seen, but unfortunately why I was bleeding was quite obvious on the ultrasound. I have a subchorionic hematoma. Basically a blood clot. The bad news is that the blood clot is resulting from where the placenta, in a small area, is pulling away from the endometrial wall! After extensive research, I've learned that half of these diagnoses will carry on full term normal pregnancies... and the other half won't. The larger the clot, the greater the chances are for miscarrying . Luckily mine is small right now - approximately a centimeter. Because I have O- blood, and DH is O+, I was given a shot of Rhogam to keep my body from building anitbodies against the babies blood. I will probably get a shot of this every time I bleed, and after delivery as well. For now, my instructions were to come home on complete bed and pelvic rest all week until a checkup appointment on Friday morning. WHAT? How am I supposed to pull off bed rest during Thanksgiving? This is going to take some will power and some compromise...
BETA #4
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
HCG #4 =1034
What a WONDERFUL number! I can't believe it's actually that high! Doubling time calculators now say it's doubling at approximately 50 hours! That is so much better than the 113 hrs I started with. Everything is starting to come together and make sense to me. I probably implanted late, which has thrown all the calculations and measurements off by a few days. So I'm probably not six weeks but rather five weeks and some days. Hopefully at our ultrasound on Monday we can see more than just the yolk sac!!! I shouldn't be getting so excited just yet - there is still a long road ahead of us yet...
HCG #4 =1034
What a WONDERFUL number! I can't believe it's actually that high! Doubling time calculators now say it's doubling at approximately 50 hours! That is so much better than the 113 hrs I started with. Everything is starting to come together and make sense to me. I probably implanted late, which has thrown all the calculations and measurements off by a few days. So I'm probably not six weeks but rather five weeks and some days. Hopefully at our ultrasound on Monday we can see more than just the yolk sac!!! I shouldn't be getting so excited just yet - there is still a long road ahead of us yet...
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