P.U.P.O.

So I'm PUPO! A little term I picked up on the IVF threads a while back. It stands for pregnant until proven otherwise! lol! So it's been two days now since the transfer and my mind has had a chance to get back to where it needs to be, instead of up there in the clouds. I am so excited, yet I am also very careful to realize the reality of the test still being negative. However, I hope and pray that these embies both stick and become beautiful loving babies for us to have and hold.

As far as the transfer itself? Not so glamorous. However they did transfer 2 embies. Both were 9 cells and B+ quality. The were the same two they were going to transfer in my IVF cycle before it was canceled. When they were froze, they were a 10cell and a 9 cell both B+, when they thawed they were a 8 cell and 7 cell (it's common to loose a few cells), went through another cleavage before they were transferred and looked to be doing GREAT! They were really excited about the quality of both of them! I have a photocopied picture of them and I may try to find some way to get it up here later.

As for the not so glamorous part...First of all, my bladder wasn't full enough, so they had to catheter me and fill it that way - which was uncomfortable and weird! Then the speculum was extremely uncomfortable against that full bladder! I felt like I had to pee worse than I ever had in my life! They kept telling me to relax, that I wouldn't wet myself, but that was so hard to do. As far as the actual magic moment, the machine was so snowy, I honestly couldn't even see the blip (as they called it) go in. So I was very disappointed about that. I was hoping it would be a little more special, but it wasn't.

I also did acupuncture before and after, which you won't have to ever worry about me getting again! The before session was fine, he did three needles in my right hand, two in my left and one in the top of each foot. The session afterwards was horrible! He put needles in my legs and feet and my head. He put one needle in my left ankle that hurt so bad I screamed, nearly jumped off the table and busted out in tears! (and I'm supposed to be laying completely still for a half hour!) It was weird too because he put it in the inside of my ankle and my little toe is what hurt so bad! Like it was being electrocuted or cut off! And the needle he put in the top of my head gave me a killer headache, and after all of this he left the room and left me alone for 25 minutes, so I couldn't tell anybody to get it fixed! ugh.

BUT overall I am pleased. I am excited. I am nervous, and this morning I'm already feeling sick. I know it's only from the hormones I'm taking to sustain these little boogers, but it does make it feel a bit more real. My Beta is scheduled for 11/07/08.

Little Wonders

sung by Rob Thomas

let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know

the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we'll get by,
it's the heart that really matters
in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now

in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain

The Break is Over

So it's now fall - officially my favorite time of year. I realized that I needed to come to terms with where we were at and I took a break from all the thinking, wishing, wanting, praying, and now that break is over. This Saturday is one of the biggest days of my life. I can't believe it's here already. Everything for this transfer is looking good so far. I've been so melancholy and sentimental in the last week or so, and very emotional, and I can't tell if it's the hormones or the time of year. Especially since I lost my Grandma - and my Dad in the fall. Wouldn't it be such a wonderful thing to happen in such a mellow atmosphere...