The Infertile Patient's Prayer and Infertility

Lord, Give me Strength...
To keep my cool when another period starts.
To keep my chin up when a co-worker announces her pregnancy.
To have a good relationship with my friend in spite of her ability to conceive easily and not be jealous of her.
To endure my sister-in-law's comments about toilet training.
To keep from crying when I see children begging on the roads.
To forgive my doctor when he keeps me waiting for two hours for a consultation - and then can't remember my name.
To make the right decision about treatment.
To maintain a good relationship with my husband in spite of all this.
" God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can change, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Infertility is...
Watching your husband playing with your friend's baby and wishing you could give him one of his own.
Telling nurses to please take blood from your right arm because the veins in your left arm are all gone because of all the IVs you've had.
Avoiding people you haven't seen for a long time because you don't want to hear the question, "Do you have any kids yet?".
Feeling very left out when your friends start comparing their pregnancy or childbirth experiences.
Feeling like the whole town is pregnant except for you.
Getting tired of people always expecting you to do things because "you don't have any kids to worry about".
Waking up in the middle of the night and wishing you could hear your baby crying.
Wishing you could give your parents grandchildren.
Wanting to fall apart if one other person says, "Why don't you adopt?" Easy, right?
Sometimes avoiding friends who are pregnant or with newborns because you just can't handle the situation at that moment.
Crying just because.

whew, what a few days

Well thank Heavens that the depression has worn off from the medication. The other side effects however can be right painful! I've learned quickly that you DO NOT eat only carbs for a meal!!! That is a huge NO! NO! On another note, in just a week, I've lost about five pounds! I don't know if it's me cutting the carbs, my curbed appetite, or staying in the john all the time... I think it's probably a bit of all three.

Metformin Blues

Well, last weeks visit to Virginia Beach puts a new spin on a lot of different things. First of all, after doubting the ultrasound results and arguing with the nurse on whether or not I had ovulated this cycle, all the bloodwork showed -No- I did not ovulate this cycle, which means that the cyst was left over from the previous cycle, and I am not pregnant. They called the very next day and said they wanted to redo the ultrasound. I never called them back. I tried to tell them while I was there, that I hadn't ovulated but they didn't listen to me, and there is no way I can keep taking off all this time on such short notice. Either way, they went ahead and prescribed to me the metformin, which is definetly not my friend! The first day or so wasn't so bad, but now I'm feeling worse and worse. Besides the stomach cramps, the really bad headaches, all the time spent in the bathroom, and the feeling that eating is just wrong...the really bad thing is it makes me feel pretty depressed. Yesterday was a really bad day, and today isn't much better. I feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat. I hope that it's the medicine working to fix my hormones, but I can't help but wonder is it worth all this trouble, or is this more wasted time and money?

Another Day at the Doctor

Well, just like it says, today was just another day at the Dr's. Office. I was supposed to go in for a post coital and ultrasound today. Turns out I've already ovulated according to the ultrasound! and they didn't do the post coital because there was no need! The high E2 level they were worried about turned out to be lower and within normal limits when they retested. However my LSH and LH levels were reversed, and now they're thinking PCOS. They want to put me on Metformin after more bloodwork. The cyst they found at last check is gone, and a new corpus luteum was there. I just can't figure out how or when I ovulated! I'm only CD 11 today, and I have never ovulated like this...(I mean in a timely manner). Not to mention I never had any ovulation signs. I'm starting to wonder if the cyst they found today is just active still from the last cycle. Nevertheless they took a lot more blood to test for liver function, E2, progesterone and a whole metabolic panel to make sure I can handle the medication they want to put me on. Even with all of this in the back of my head, I can't help but think if I did ovulate.... I could be pregnant right now...

more needles; more blood

Tuesday Morning... more blood work. I got a call from the nurse at The NewHope Center with not so good news. My day three labs from last cycle showed elevated estrogen. I'm not real sure what that means exactly, but they wanted to retest to make sure it wasn't a mistake. How sombering this all is....

No need to worry now

I never made it to town last night to get the test. Even though my temp was still up this morning, it turns out 14 DPO still does the trick for the old AF. That also canceled my endo biopsy today, and they have rescheduled a post coital and another ultrasound for Monday Nov. 26, on the assumption I will have a dominant follicle. 10 days to wait this out.... I'm just ready to get on with the actual treatments!

temp is still up

Well... I really don't know what to think. I'm at least 14DPO and my temp is still up. I don't know how I can still think positive about that, considering the x-rays and now the doxycyclene (which is not recommended in pregnancy). I'm going to town tonight to get a test. Tomorrow morning will tell the tell. I'm expecting my temp to drop, but if it doesn't I'm going to test just to be sure. I'm really nervous about the biopsy tomorrow afternoon... especially after the HSG ordeal.